Tracking the performance of my Hacking Mass team at Baseball Prospectus gives me an opportunity to comment on several interesting story-lines from the now-two-month-old 2005 season. Unfortunately, Wes Helms’ Workout Routine isn’t underperforming as well as I would have hoped. Currently ranked 1,249th out of 1,859 entries, my club has been hampered by the exceptional play of Craig Counsell and the not-bad-at-all jobs turned in by Juan Encarnacion, Alex Sanchez, and Shawn Estes. The following is a breakdown of my squad, position-by-position.

Catcher: Mike Matheny | A long-time liability on offense, the Giants backstop has hit .252/.320/.432 in 2005 despite playing his home games at SBC Park. He’s the most popular entry at his position but he has been thoroughly out-futilitied by the Mariners’ Miguel Olivo, who has since been demoted to Triple-A.

First Base: Doug Mientkiewicz | A great defensive player, Mientkiewicz has been absolutely pitiful in the batter’s box for the Mets this season. Playing one of the most important offensive positions on the diamond, the former-Twin is hitting just .210/.307/.363 and is third-from-the-bottom in Value Above Replacement Player among NL first-basemen (only Julio Franco and Mike Lamb have been worse). Like Matheny, Mientkiewicz is the most popular player at his position among Hacking Mass entrants but he has been bested in uselessness by Carlos Pena (who like Olivo is now at Triple-A).

Second Base: Craig Counsell | The biggest mistake I made by far was installing Counsell at second. Coming off a rough year in Milwaukee, the Wisconsin-native is batting .318/.435/.445 and is tops among all National League keystoners with 19.2 VORP. He will almost certainly come back to Earth, but the smart choice would have been Hacking Mass All-Star Tony Womack, who again is demonstrating his utter inability to hit.

Third Base: Alex Gonzalez (the Devil Ray) | Another reliable hacker, Gonzalez has hit just .243/.302/.355 as the Devil Rays’ starting third-baseman and is just barely above replacement level. He’s a solid contributor to my ballclub, but he’s got nothing on the Indians’ Aaron (Bleeping) Boone. After missing all of last season, one of Boston’s most hated men is batting just .157 with a 474 OPS and -12.5 VORP.

Shortstop: Alex Gonzalez (the Marlin) | The other Alex Gonzalez has actually played fairly well for the Fish, hitting well above his career norms while drawing a few walks and smacking a few extra-base hits. His .282/.337/.417 line is good for 10.2 VORP and is making me regret not opting for Cristian Guzman. The free agent acquisition of the Nationals is leading all position players in hacktasticness with embarrassing .183/.223/.229 averages and just four extra-base hits in 175 at-bats.

Left Field: Juan Encarnacion | I have every confidence that the Marlins’ outfielder will remember that the name on the back of his jersey is Encarnacion, but so far the 29-year old is hitting .270/.352/.483 with seven homers and 34 runs batted in. Scott Podsednik was the popular pick among left-fielders but Brian Jordan has worsted them all (although he is in danger of losing what little playing time he has left to Ryan Langerhans).

Center Field: Tike Redman | Tike Redman has been very, very bad… so bad, unfortunately, that he has accumulated only 104 at-bats for the Pirates. With a .221/.283/.337 line and only one steal in two attempts, the speedy fly-chaser was the most popular pick at his position but has been outdone by Juan Pierre, who has racked up almost twice as many plate appearances with nearly identical sucktitude.

Right Field: Alex Sanchez | First he was suspended for using steroids, cutting into his playing time, and then he started playing well. The former-Brewer and Tiger has batted .342/.379/.470 in his first 37 games and has already walked as many times (seven) as he did all of last season. Whatever has gotten into Sanchez (insert steroid joke here), it is not helping my ballclub one bit. The smarter choice would have been the Astros’ Willy Taveras.

Pitcher 1: Shawn Estes | An easy pick after three consecutive seasons of ERAs over 5.00, the Hacking Mass Hall-of-Famer has been surprisingly effective in 2005. He has struck-out only 38 batters in 61 and two-thirds innings, however, while surrendering 60 hits (eight of them homers) and 22 walks, so good (bad) things seem right around the corner.

Pitcher 2: Eric Milton | An inspired choice if I do say so myself, Milton has been even worse than his most vehement detractors could have predicted. The second best Hacking Mass pitcher (behind only Jose Lima, whose 76 Exuded Stiff Points, Net is best in baseball), Milton has been knocked around for an incredible twenty home runs in 60 innings of work. He sports a disturbing 7.05 ERA and opponents are hitting a robust .308/.349/.604 against him. That’s quite bad.

There’s a lot of season left and many of the early Hacking Mass All-Stars will quickly find themselves on the bench or in the minor leagues, so I haven’t yet given up hope of a respectable finish. So long as Counsell, Encarnacion, and Estes are playing well, however, Wes Helms Workout Routine is going to have to scrape and claw just to get back to .500.