ESPN.com’s Page 2 recently published a wonderful article by Jeff Merron entitled “Squeeze Play,” an “all-star team” of the all-time fattest baseball players at each position. After humorously reminding readers that “all listed weights are to be taken with an enormous serving of … ice cream, potato chips, butter, cupcakes — whatever floats your belly,” Merron proceeds to hilariously describe everyone from Cecil Fielder to Mickey Lolich in all their gargantuan glory.

The funniest description, however, belongs to Gates Brown.

Officially, Brown was an outfielder, listed at 5-11, 220. Unofficially, he was a crack pinch-hitter. He holds the record for career pinch-hit at-bats, with 414, and the AL record for career pinch-hits, with 107, and the AL record for most career pinch homers, with 16. This is all relevant to the weight issue.

Gates spent a lot of time on the bench, and was used to being ready for the call at any time. But in an August 1968 game against Cleveland, he was caught … eating. He’d gone into the clubhouse to grab a couple of hot dogs, and was all ready to eat them when Detroit manager Mayo Smith called him in to pinch hit. He stuffed the dogs down his jersey. Then he doubled, slid in head first, and stood up with a uniform covered with mustard, ketchup, and hot dog and bun chunks all over himself.

This killed the Tiger bench, but Smith fined Gates $100.

Merron was one of the founders of SportsJones.com, the independent sports webzine that featured some of the best sports writing anywhere from 1998 to 2001, when ESPN.com bought them out. It featured the kind of writing you’d find in academic journals or sophisticated monthly magazines, and it is sorely missed. Merron and Eric Neel, among other SportsJones regulars, have found work elsewhere and continue to provide excellent writing.

But I digress. Merron’s article is a wonderful reminder of the importance of preserving an independent voice in baseball journalism, and of the unfortunate loss of SportsJones. It’s good to see that he’s still doing his thing, even if it’s for a corporate media giant.