Its time to breath a sigh of relief, everyone. Worried about terrorism? Don’t be. The nation’s truckers are on the job. In one of the most bizarre developments yet in Dubya’s “War on Terrorism” (this time on the “Homeland Security” front), the government is recruiting a new domestic army of truckers to help protect us from evil-doers. Time Magazine describes the “Highway Watch” program like this:

The Department of Homeland Security this year gave $19.3 million to the American Trucking Associations, which is based in Alexandria, Va., to recruit a volunteer “army” called Highway Watch. So far, 10,000 truckers have signed on to become amateur sleuths. Over the next year, the goal is to add tollbooth workers, rest-stop employees and construction crews, creating a corps of 400,000 people drawn from every state.

I feel better already. For a glimpse at how this groundbreaking collection of amateur spies will go about their business, Time’s Amanda Ripley sat down with a pair of truckers at the Little Rock Highway Watch training seminar.

After the session in Little Rock, two newly initiated Highway Watch members sat down for the catered barbecue lunch. The truckers, who haul hazardous material across 48 states, explained how easy it is to spot “Islamics” on the road: just look for their turbans. Quite a few of them are truck drivers, says William Westfall of Van Buren, Ark. “I’ll be honest. They know they’re not welcome at truck stops. There’s still a lot of animosity toward Islamics.” Eddie Dean of Fort Smith, Ark., also has little doubt about his ability to identify Muslims: “You can tell where they’re from. You can hear their accents. They’re not real clean people.”

Wonderful. Dumb, ignorant, gung-ho racists will now be patrolling our nation’s highways in search of “Islamics.” I don’t know about you, but I’m sure glad we have Dubya (aka the “War President”) at the helm as we take on the evil-doers. Without him, we wouldn’t have this army of truckers on the job.

Tomorrow is July 4th. Why should I be proud to be an American?